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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”

“Damn!” says the little old lady … “I’d better go back and see if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!”

So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I yell:
‘$20 or off it comes!’”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “Good luck!” By the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “Not all of them pay”

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract the attentions of a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. (don’t you just love that expression?)

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, “So . . . .. . you finish?”

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No!”

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, “You finish?”

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, “No!”

A little stunned by this response, (given that the physical manifestations had led him to think differently) but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.

Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, “You finish?”

Short of breath herself and barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, “No, I Norwegian.”