Life in England in the 1500’s

No Comments Written by whizzbang on November 19, 2008 in Fun & Games.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be Here are some facts about the1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water…

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It’s raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold = threshold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme,

Peas porridge hot,
peas porridge cold,
peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leak onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell.

And that’s the truth…Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !


Strange but true

No Comments Written by whizzbang on November 19, 2008 in Fun & Games.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don’t try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm……)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains..
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)


Who Wants to be a Millionaire/Two brooms

No Comments Written by whizzbang on November 19, 2008 in Fun & Games.

Mick, from Dublin, appeared on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds. You’ve done very well so far,’ said, Chris Tarrant, the show’s presenter,’but for a million pounds you’ve only got one lifeline left –

phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question……will you go for it?’

‘Sure,’ said Mick. ‘I’ll have a go!’

‘Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?’

A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo

I haven’t got a clue,’ said Mick, ’so I’ll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin’.Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

‘Fookin hell, Mick!’ cried Paddy.’Dat’s simple……it’s a cuckoo.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m fookin sure.’ Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, ‘I’ll go wit

Cuckoo as me answer.’

‘Is that your final answer?’ asked Chris
‘Dat it is, Sir.’

There was a long – long pause, then the presenter screamed, ‘Cuckoo is

the correct answer! Mick, you’ve won 1 million pounds!’

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

‘Tell me, Paddy? How inH eaven’s name did you know it was da Cuckoo that

doesn’t build its own nest? ‘Because he lives in a Fookin clock!’
__________________________________

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know

each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom

broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over

and said to the groom-broom, ‘I think I am going to have a little whisk

broom!’

IMPOSSIBLE !’ said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !

They haven’t even swept together


Kids say the funniest things

No Comments Written by whizzbang on November 19, 2008 in Fun & Games.

These are obviously original and genuine. No adult is this creative!

JACK (aged 3) was watching his Mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (aged 5) asked her Gran how old she was Gran replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you should look in the back of your pants. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (aged 3) hugged and kissed his Mum good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

KATIE (aged 4) had an ear ache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mum explained it was a child-proof lid and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (aged 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

LUKE (aged 4) stepped onto the bathroom scales and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

MARK (aged 4) was engrossed in watching a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

CHRIS (aged 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked what was bothering him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

JAMES (aged 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

TAMMY (aged 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled lady who her Mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then afterwards asked, ‘Why didn’t her skin fit her face?’

The Sermon I think this Mum will never forget….this particular Sunday sermon…’Dear God,’ the Priest began, with arms extended toward heaven. ‘Without you, we are but dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mum, what is butt dust?’