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While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, ‘I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.’

The man looks a little perplexed and says, ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’

The doctor answers, ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’

The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’

The doctor replies, ‘Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.’

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,
‘Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.’

The guy says to the doctor, ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. ‘Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!’

Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.

‘Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!’

1.. It’s the dogs’ mess that I find hard to swallow.

2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
burnt my knob off.

3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when
he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls
against my fence.

5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the
wall.

8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50%
are plain filthy.

11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it
is cleared.

13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
colour and not fit to drink.

14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every
morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for
me.

16..The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which
is unsightly and dangerous.

17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a
third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18…I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me
every night.

19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
satisfy my wife.

20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I
still have no satisfaction.

21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we
can’t get BBC2.

22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage
has fungus growing in it.

23..He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can’t take it anymore.

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men..
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Very creepy & atmospheric episode from Dr Who’s classic gothic period which used to have people like me watching it from behind the sofa, lol. The Doctor (Tom Baker) and his companion Leela (Louise Jameson) find themselves drawn to a supposedly haunted priory on Earth, where the find a chap named Dr Fendalmann (Dennis Lill) conducting experiments on a mysterious ancient skull which is far older than any previously found human skull.

They then discover sinister goings on involving a secret cult who worship a mythical creature that feeds on peoples souls….

I am a big fan of old Dr Who episodes, especially those I had to watch as a youngster from behind the sofa. This episode starts with The Doctor being drawn back to his home planet of Gallifrey by visions of the present Chancellor being Assassinated, and finds himself being charged with the crime himself!

The Doctor soon finds himself in an alternate reality fighting for his life against an old adversary who it turns out brought him back to Gallifrey in order to get rid of him for good….

Recently the GWR 4-6-0 Locomotive no 7802 “Bradley Manor” clocked up 100 000 miles of running. To mark this special occasion it was specially turned-out at Kidderminster for a ceremony to mark the occassion, in which cake was shovelled into the firebox

Bradley Manor was originally built in 1939 at the GWR’s Swindon works and was due to be scrapped in 1966 until an enthusiast bought it an restored it back to working order & it steamed again for the first time in 1989 on the Severn Valley Railway where it has been ever since apart from the odd gala & Mainline Excursion. It also had a role towards the beginning of “The Lion The Witch & The Wardrobe” starring Tilda Swinton, in which it is seen evacuating the three Pevensies to the countryside during World War II

I am currently reading this book which was offered by the Times newspaper for £2.99 recently. It is about a chap named Tommy Bruce who has inherited a doomed British Bank. One day he gets a call from a young female lawyer named Annabel Richter whose client is a mysterious illegal immegrant who just happens to hold the keys to one of the most exclusive vaults in Bruce’s Bank.

Unfortunately this mystery bloke is also wanted by three of the most powerful intelligence agencies on the planet and Tommy soon finds himself up to his neck in a web of lies & intrigue

I have recently watched this touching poignant & sometimes funny film on DVD. It stars Clint Eastwood as a old fashioned, grizzled, racist old curmudgeon named Walt Kowalski whose prized possession is his 1973 Ford Gran Torino, Walt is horrified by the family who move in next door especially when the youngest lad Thao (Bee Vang) tries to steal his car as part of an innitiation into the local gang.

To atone for his actions Thao does some chores for Walt & gradually over time the two of them bond as Walt shows Thao some very handy Do-it-Yourself tips & construction techniques. Unfortunately Walt is dragged into the confrontation with the local gang when Thao’s elder sister is attacked by gang members and feels obliged & outraged & decides to take action on their behalf which ends in tragedy.