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Tonight, November 5th, in the UK is Bonfire Night or Guy Fawkes Night, when fires are lit & fireworks set off, to commemorate Guy Fawkes, who was captured in November 1605 trying to blow up the Houses of Parliament….unless it’s raining There are many Spectacular official firework displays listed in the newspaper, so I may go to one or two over the next few days.

The event is held to remember the so-called Gunpowder plot, when Guy Fawkes, along with 13 other men, under the leadership of Robert Catesby, decided that they’d had enough of being persecuted for being Catholic. So they plotted to blow up the Houses of Parliament in order to kill King James I, the Prince of Wales, and other Members of Parliament, who were making life difficult for the Catholics.

So to carry out their plan, the conspirators got hold of 36 barrels of gunpowder – and stored them in a cellar, just under the House of Lords. However it soon became clear that innocent people would also be hurt or killed in the blast, including some people who even fought for more rights for Catholics, so Some of the plotters started having second thoughts.

One of these members even sent an anonymous letter warning his friend, Lord Monteagle, to stay away from Parliament on November 5th. This letter reached the King, and the King’s forces made plans to stop the conspirators, and in the early hours of November 5th the authorities stormed the cellar beneath the House of Lords and found Guy Fawkes guarding the 36 barrels of gunpowder. So Guy Fawkes along with a few others, was promptly arrested, the plot was foiled and he ended up being executed for treason.

An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: ‘You English folk eat the whole bread??’

Englishman (in a bad mood): ‘Of course.’
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) ‘We don’t. In France , we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England ‘The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: ‘Do you eat jam with the bread??’

Englishman: ‘Of Course.’

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

‘We don’t. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England ‘

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: ‘Do you have sex in France ?’

Frenchman: ‘Why of course we do’, he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: ‘And what do ! you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

Frenchman: ‘We throw them away, of course.’

Englishman: ‘We don’t. In England , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France ‘

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It’s allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, whic thrilled her immensely.
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At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope – containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her ‘pay’ home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account. At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her ‘work’ on the building site and the fact she had a ‘pay packet’.

‘You must have worked very hard to earn all this’, said the cashier.The little girl proudly replied,

‘Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We’re building a big house.’

‘My goodness gracious,’ said the cashier, ‘And will you be working on the house again next week?’
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

‘I think so. Provided those W*******s at Jewsons deliver the f****ing bricks.’

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak – the last
one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back…Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’ I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband
didn’t say a word…
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store. He asked if he could help me.Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
‘I think I like playing with men’s balls’

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall andpassed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts.’ My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving ‘right now’ she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said ‘No’ .
I kept thinking
‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes
with me.’
Then I said,
‘Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’
‘No,’ he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘Danny did you have an accident? This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled ‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feels better,
thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:
‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?’
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!