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How many horses can you spot in the above picture? I’ve managed to spot five so far.

An Irish driver is travelling behind a lorry, when he suddenly notices something falling off the back of lorry, so he gets the lorry drivers attention and says to the lorry driver

“Excuse me, but you are losing your load”
“Go away” the lorry driver replies

Five miles further down the road the Irish driver catches up with the lorry driver again and repeats himself

“Excuse me but you are losing your load”

To which the lorry driver replies

“Do you mind, I am trying to grit the roads”

These classified ads were really put in the paper

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little b*****d. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, A Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog . . Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. £200 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows f *****g everything.

After having read and enjoyed World without End by Ken Follett, People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks & Revelation by C.J. Sansom I am developing a real taste for gripping historical mystery & crime thrillers, and this book was recently being offered for half-price with the Times Newspaper I read the back and it sounded like a really great story.

The novel takes place shortly after Charles Dickens death in 1870 and starts when his latest manuscript mysteriously vanishes, It is last seen addressed to his Publisher, whose very fortunes depend on it. So his publisher decides sets out to find out what happened to the manuscript and recover it.

However the only clue as to it’s whereabouts have been a series of brutal murders and the trail leads him from bustling West End Theatres, through grimy East End backstreets on to illicit opium dens, and he gradually finds himself becoming ensnared in the crime he is hoping to solve and soon finds not only his livelihood in danger, but his life may be too….

A chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne…

The woman perks up and says, ‘How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!’

‘What a coincidence’ the farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I am celebrating’

‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!’ says the woman.

‘What a coincidence!’ says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, ‘What are you celebrating?’

‘We are trying to have a child and the gynecologist told me that I was pregnant!’

‘What a coincidence,’ says the man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’ says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’

‘I used a different cock,’ he replied.

The woman smiled and said, ‘What a coincidence.’

A priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens and he kept them in a hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that one of the male birds was missing, He knew about cock fights inthe village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation.

‘Has anybody got a cock? ‘

All the men stood up.
‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant.

Has anybody seen a cock? ‘
All the women stood up.

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘ that wasn’t what I meant at all.

Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them? ‘
Half the women stood up.

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant either. Then the Priest asked

Has anybody seen my cock?
Sixteen altar boys, two priests
and a goat stood up

at this point the priest fainted