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I am looking forward to reading We Are all Made of Glue, it sounds really entertaining. So I also thought I would eventually get two more Marina Lewycka novels, in due course, and see if I enjoy those too. Novels I’ve got my eye on are

Strawberry Fields by Marina Lewycka
This is a tender and hilarious novel about a crew of migrant workers from three continents who are forced to flee their English strawberry field for a journey across England in pursuit of their various dreams of a better future. They hail variously from Eastern Europe, China, and Africa and have come here to harvest Strawberries for delivery to British supermarkets, and end up living in two small trailer homes, a men’s trailer and a woman’s trailer. They are all seeking a better life (and in their different ways they are also, of course, looking for love) and they’ve come to England, some legally, some illegally, to find it.

Supervising (some would say exploiting) them is Farmer Leaping, a red-faced Englishman who treats everyone equally except for the Polish woman named Yola, the boss of the crew, who favours him with her charms in exchange “for something a little extra on the side” Unfortunately Farmer Leaping’s wife finds out about this little “arrangement” and does what any woman would do in this situation: She runs him down in her red sports car.

By the time the police arrive the migrant workers have piled into one of the trailer homes and hightailed it, thus setting off one of the most enchanting, merry, and moving journeys across England. Along the way, the workers’ ideals are shattered by the ignominious, brutal, and sometimes dangerous realities of life, some give up and go back home, and some even find love

A Short history of tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka
Hilarious novel about two Ukrainian sisters, Nadezhda and Vera, who are raised in England by their refugee parents, and have as little to do with each other as possible, until a bosomy young synthetic blonde from the Ukraine named Valentina, enters their ageing father’s life, intent on seeing that he leaves this world with as little money as possible, unless Nadazhda and Vera can stop her.

Unfortunately separating their addled and annoyingly lecherous dad from his new love is no easy task because Valentina is a ruthless pro, who causes chaos & soon turns the family house upside down. Meanwhile their Father, who is oblivious to everything that is going on, carries on with the great work of his dotage, a grand history of the tractor.

I thought that would get your attention

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning
from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies,

“That’s about average in Yorkshire… like I said, my boy’s atypical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.”

Congratulations showered him from all around, amidmany exclamations of “WOW!” One woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says,

“Say, aren’t you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody’s been making bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers,

“Twenty pounds.”

The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!”

The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Tetley’s, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender
and proudly says,”I Had him circumcised…”

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Andrew standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Andrew,’
‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on
The plaque. ‘Pastor, what is this? ‘
The pastor said, ‘Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.’

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Andrew’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

“Which service…the 8:30 or the 11:00?”

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice .
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The latest entertaining novel by Marina Lewycka “We Are All Made of Glue” is available with The Times Newspaper this week & having read loads of positive reviews, I thought I would get it – I could do with something funny to cheer me up.

It is the story of a very unlikely friendship between a woman named Georgie, whose husband has walked out; and whose sixteen-year-old son is busy surfing born-again websites, and Mrs Shapiro, an eccentric old Jewish emigre neighbour with an eye for a bargain and a fondness for matchmaking, Although they mistrust each other at first, a firm friendship is formed over the reduced-price shelf at the supermarket.

Then when Mrs Shapiro is admitted to hospital Georgie is surprisingly named as her next of kin. But sorting out Mrs Shapiro’s semi-derelict mansion in Highbury, is no easy job, what with seven cats, all with agendas of their own, a handyman who turns out to be not what he seems and two assistants who seem to be doing more breaking than fixing. Matters are complicated further when two slimy estate agents (one with a charming penchant for bondage) start competing to trick Mrs Shapiro into selling her rickety old house, and a social worker tries to commit her to a nursing home…

Next weekend there is a feee CD inside the Mail on Sunday entitled “Classical Superstars” which Includes well known tracks, some of which have been used in various films, adverts & programs, copies of the CD will probably start appearing on Ebay by Monday and I bet you can probably listen to most of these tunes on YouTube.

1. Libiamo Ne’ Lieti Calici (Brindisi) from La Traviata
Taken from La Traviata – the famous opera by Giuseppe Verdi. A beautiful and dramatic score. Verdi touches on a daring and even distasteful contemporary subject dramatizing the unwholesome love between Violetta and Alfredo. With soaring melodies and a sensual waltztime rhythm Verdi plays out the emotive nature of the opera in emphatic and compelling fashion. The song can be heard in the most recent film adaptation of Midsummer Nights Dream.

2. Un Bel Dì Vedremo from Madama Butterfly
Made famous by the film Fatal Attraction. Madame Butterfly is one of the most loved Operas in the collection. The Opera focuses around the unfailing love of an abandoned Japanese girl (Madame Butterfly) for her American husband and the hope that he’ll one day return to her and her son. Part of Un Bel Di Vedremo was also sung when Midori Ito lit the Olympic Flame at Nagana in 1998.

3. Votre Toast Je Peux Vous Le Rendre (Toreador Song)
One of the most popular Operas of all time, ‘Carmen’ by Georges Bizet was the first opera of its type to present real characters and emotions on stage. For its time, its realism shocked and alienated audiences, Carmen was perhaps of the most dramatic and powerful Operas of its time.

4. Una Furtiva Lagrima from L’Elisir d’amore, ‘Elixir of Love’
Donizetti’s L’Elisir d’amore was first performed in 1832. Heard in the 1985 film ‘Prizzi’s Honour’, it is Donizett’s most frequently performed Opera. L’Elisir d’amore is one of the Operas more charming melodramas, it deals with the ups and downs of the romance between Nemorino and his capricious girlfriend Adina.

5. Largo Al Factotum from Il barbiere di Siviglia
Heard in the movie Mrs Doubtfire, Il barbiere di Siviglia is often noted as one of the most difficult baritone arias to perform, Rossin’s Barber of Seville tells the tale of the joys and stresses of being the most in-demand barber of Seville. Like Mozart, Rossini drew upon plays by the French writer Beaumarchais, producing a true masterpiece.

6. Thy Hand Belinda… When I Am Laid In Earth from Dido and Aeneas
Written by English Baroque composer Henry Purcell, Dido and Aeneas was his only fully completed opera. First performed in 1689, the story is based on book IV of Virgil’s Aeneid and narrates the love story of Dido Queen of Carthage, and Trojan Prince Aeneas.

7. Grand March from Aida
Often associated with royal processions and ceremonies, Grand March is taken from Act 2 of Verdi’s Aida. The aria is unparalleled in its splendour and virtuoso and is often cited as one of the most trilling scenes in all opera.

8. Soave Sia Il Vento from Così fan tutte
Così fan tutte meaning ‘All women behave that way’ tells of three sailors bets on the fidelity of each others fiancées whilst they are away. They form a plan, in which they say they have been called away to war, they sail away only to return disguised to try and seduce each others partners. Soave Sia Il Vento (May the breeze be gentle) is sung by the three sailors as they set out to sea, it is also featured in the movie Sunday, Bloody Sunday.

9. E Lucevan Le Stelle from Tosca
Tosca has appeared in Opera America’s top twenty most performed operas in North America. The final act opens with the character Cavaradossi, a painter, to be executed at dawn. Spending his final night alive, he writes a letter and becomes overwhelmed with the memories of his much loved Tosca.

10. Va Pensiero Sull’ Ali Dorate (Chorus Of The Hebrew Slaves) from Nabucco
Nabucco, thought by many as Verdi’s earliest successful opera, relates to us the story of the Hebrew Slaves, having been taken captive by Nebuchadnezzar. The Chorus of The Hebrew Slaves sadly recollect images and thoughts of their homeland from which they were taken.

11. La Donna È Mobile from Rigoletto
La Donna È Mobile meaning ‘Woman is fickle’ plays a comic irony when sung by character Duke of Mantua who himself is fickle with women. In this particular aria the Duke justifies his fickleness declaring that ‘Woman is fickle, but he who does not taste love can never be truly happy.’

12. Se Quel Guerrier Io Fossi… Celeste Aida from Aida
This aria, sung by character Radamès, tells of the young warriors hopes to become the leader of the Egyptian army to fight against the Ethiopians. Returning victorius, he muses, will surely win over his secret love Aida, an Ethiopian slave.

13. Vesti la Giubba from Pagliacci
Vesti la Guibba, known popularly in English as On With The Motley. This is an aria sung by the character Canio, a clown, who has just recently learnt that his wife has a lover. He sings of the cruel irony, whilst applying his make-up, of having to perform and make people laugh whilst inside his heart is broken.

14. Non Più Andrai from The Marriage of Figaro
The Marriage of Figaro is one of Mozart’s most famed comedy operas. Sung by the character Figaro, Non Più Andrai is an aria mocking and warning Cherubino about army life. Figaro explains that it won’t be easy for Cherubino after having fallen in love with the Countess Almaviva, to whom he is Page.

Best film
Avatar, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Precious, Up In The Air

Leading actor
Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart),
George Clooney (Up In The Air),
Colin Firth (A Single Man),
Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker),
Andy Serkis (Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll)

Leading actress
Carey Mulligan (An Education),
Saoirse Ronan (The Lovely Bones),
Gabourey Sidibe (Precious),
Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia),
Audrey Tautou (Coco Before Chanel)

Supporting actor
Alec Baldwin (It’s Complicated),
Christian McKay (Me And Orson Welles),
Alfred Molina (An Education),
Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones),
Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds),

Supporting actress
Anne-Marie Duff (Nowhere Boy),
Vera Farmiga (Up In The Air),
Anna Kendrick (Up In The Air),
Mo’Nique (Precious),
Kristin Scott Thomas (Nowhere Boy)

Outstanding British film
An Education,
Fish Tank,
In The Loop,
Moon,
Nowhere Boy
Outstanding debut by a British writer, director or producer
Lucy Bailey, Andrew Thompson, Elizabeth Morgan Hemlock,
David Pearson (directors, producers – Mugabe And The White African),
Eran Creevy (writer/director – Shifty),
Stuart Hazeldine (writer/director – Exam),
Duncan Jones (director – Moon),
Sam Taylor-Wood (director – Nowhere Boy)

Director
James Cameron (Avatar),
Neill Blomkamp (District 9),
Lone Scherfig (An Education),
Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker),
Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)

Original screenplay
The Hangover (Jon Lucas, Scott Moore),
The Hurt Locker (Mark Boal),
Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino),
A Serious Man (Joel Coen, Ethan Coen),
Up (Bob Peterson, Pete Docter)

Adapted screenplay
District 9 (Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell),
An Education (Nick Hornby),
In The Loop (Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche),
Precious (Geoffrey Fletcher),
Up In The Air (Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner)

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Cokey”, died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started…