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A teenage boy had just got his driver’s license and inquired of his fathers to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t got your hair cut..’

The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair….. and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.’

To this his father replied, ‘Did you also notice that they also walked everywhere they went?

A depreesed farmer is sitting in a bar drowning his sorrows.
“What’s the matter, mate?” the bartender asks sympathetically.
“When I was milking my prize cow, she knocked the bucket over with her tail,” the farmer replies. “So I took off my belt and tied her tail out of the way.”
“Oh well, that doesn’t sound so bad,” the bartender says.
“No,” the farmer adds. “But then my trousers fell down and my wife walked in.”
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A shifty bloke approaches a man in pub and offers to sell hom Viagra for £100.
“No, it’s not worth it.”
“Okay, how about £50?”
“Nah, not worth it.”
“Okay, £20.”
“Not worth it.”
“What about a tenner?”
“Nope, not worth it.”
“Listen man, these pills are pricey. How can you say they’re not worth it?”
“It’s not the pills mate. It’s my wife. She’s not worth it.”
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A woman on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.
Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and asked: “Did you know that everytime I breathe somebody dies?”
“Really,” he said. “Have you tried mouthwash?”
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A Scottishish farmer was in his field digging up tatties. An American looked over the fence and said: “In Texas we grow potatoes five times larger than that!”
The Scot replied “We just grow them for our own mouths, son!”

Q How many calories do you burn up during sex?
A. Real orgasms-112. Fake ones-1,315.
Calmly dressing afterwards-32. Dressing while your husband is knocking at the door-8,521.
Q. What do you give a man with a 10-inch penis?
A. Anything he wants.
Q. What’s the definition of penile dementia?
A. When you haven’thad it for so long, you’ve forgotten how to use it.
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A woman asks a man whether he prefers boobs or bums.
“Bums,” he replies. “If I get bored in bed, I can always turn the other cheek. If that fails, then I’ll take the booby prize.”
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“Did you enjoy your date last night with Bungalow Bill from the sales department?” a woman asks her friend.
“Oh, yeah!” the friend replies. “It’s true he hasn’t got anything up top, but there was certainly plenty going on downstairs.”
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Q. How long does it take for a man to reach orgasm? A. Oh, sorry, you missed it!
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Twin sisters are turning 100, and a photographer is taking pictures. One twin is hard of hearing. The photographer asks the sisters to sit on the sofa for him.
“What did he say?” asks the deaf sister.
“We’ve got to sit down,” says the other.
“Now move closer,” the man asks.
“What did he say?” calls the deaf sister. “He said we’ve got to squeeze together.”
“I need to focus,” the photographer adds. “What now?” demands the deaf sister. “He’s going to focus.”
The deaf twin grins…… “What? Both of us?”

Here are the top 10 worst movies, as voted for by the readers of Empire Magazine

1. Batman and Robin
2. Battlefield Earth
3. The Love Guru
4. Raise The Titanic
5. Epic Movie
6. Heaven’s Gate
7. Sex Lives Of The Potato Men
8. The Happening
9. Highlander II: The Quickening
10. The Room

The SVR won’t be fully open until March, although there is a classic Car event in February, so to tide me over until then and stop me getting withdrawal symptoms I bought this really cool 3Disc DVD boxed-set, which features The Battlefield Line, The West Somerset Railway and The Severn Valley Railway.

Disc One features The Battlefield Line during a Thomas the Tank Engine event. This line acquired it’s name when they relayed the track on part of the ground where The Battle of Bosworth Field was fought in 1485. Originally opened in 1873 the line was called The Ashby & Nuneaton Joint Railway and stayed in business until it was closed in 1970. Now Thanks to the efforts of many dedicated Rail Enthusiasts the line has been gradually reopened from Shackerstone to Shenton, and now features a wide variety of Rolling Stock including The diesel “Griffon” aswell as a museum

Recently I bought this really cool 3Disc DVD boxed-set, which features The Battlefield Line, The West Somerset Railway and The Severn Valley Railway.

Disc two of Steam in the 21st Century travels on the West Somerset Railway from Minehead, to Norton Fitzwarren, which is home to the awesome SDJR 88.

GWR 6024 King Edward I

The DVD features the 2005 Spring Steam Gala, during which 12 Great Western Locomotives were in steam These included GWR3440 City of Truro, the awesome GWR6024 King Edward I, GWR5051 Earl Bathurst, GWR4936 Kinlet Hall & GWR7822 Foxcote Manor aswell as many other Prairie & Saddle Tank Engines. The program also features a shunting demonstration, which was also taking place at Minehead around the same time.

GWR 4936 Kinlet Hall

The Severn Valley Railway won’t be fully open again until March, 2010 although there may be trains travelling during half-term week and there is also The Classic Car Weekend in February. So to “tide-me-over” until then and stop me getting withdrawal symptoms, I have bought this really cool 3Disc DVD boxed-set, which features The Battlefield Line, The West Somerset Railway and The Severn Valley Railway.

Disc three of Steam in the 21st Century travels the sixteen miles on the picturesque Severn Valley Railway from Kidderminster via Bewdley, Arley, Highley, Hampton Loade and on to Bridgnorth

The episode tells the convoluted history of the SVR from it’s conception to it’s eventual opening in 1862 some 20 yeas later, up until it’s closure in 1963 as a result of Dr Beeching’s recommendations, and thanks to the efforts of a number of dedicated rail enthusiasts, it’s eventual reopening again in 1970 as a Heritage Line. The disc also charts the progress of the reopened Heritage line from small beginnings to the highly successful & popular tourist attraction it is today,

Locomotives featured in the DVD include Black 5 45110, Stanier 8f 48773, Ivatt class 2 46443, Stanier Mogul 42968 and GWR7802 Bradley Manor among many others. Although The Boiler tickets on both LMS 5mt 45110 and LMS 8f 48773 have both expired so they are out of traffic at the moment, Mind you Ivatt Class 4 43106 AKA “The Flying Pig” is back in traffic and No 1501 and the awesome Taw Valley are both currently being sorted among many others, so that’s something to look forward to
www.svr.co.uk