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Q How many calories do you burn up during sex?
A. Real orgasms-112. Fake ones-1,315.
Calmly dressing afterwards-32. Dressing while your husband is knocking at the door-8,521.
Q. What do you give a man with a 10-inch penis?
A. Anything he wants.
Q. What’s the definition of penile dementia?
A. When you haven’thad it for so long, you’ve forgotten how to use it.
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A woman asks a man whether he prefers boobs or bums.
“Bums,” he replies. “If I get bored in bed, I can always turn the other cheek. If that fails, then I’ll take the booby prize.”
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“Did you enjoy your date last night with Bungalow Bill from the sales department?” a woman asks her friend.
“Oh, yeah!” the friend replies. “It’s true he hasn’t got anything up top, but there was certainly plenty going on downstairs.”
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Q. How long does it take for a man to reach orgasm? A. Oh, sorry, you missed it!
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Twin sisters are turning 100, and a photographer is taking pictures. One twin is hard of hearing. The photographer asks the sisters to sit on the sofa for him.
“What did he say?” asks the deaf sister.
“We’ve got to sit down,” says the other.
“Now move closer,” the man asks.
“What did he say?” calls the deaf sister. “He said we’ve got to squeeze together.”
“I need to focus,” the photographer adds. “What now?” demands the deaf sister. “He’s going to focus.”
The deaf twin grins…… “What? Both of us?”