Strawberry Fields & A Short history of Tractors in Ukrainian

No Comments Written by whizzbang on February 25, 2010 in books.

I am looking forward to reading We Are all Made of Glue, it sounds really entertaining. So I also thought I would eventually get two more Marina Lewycka novels, in due course, and see if I enjoy those too. Novels I’ve got my eye on are

Strawberry Fields by Marina Lewycka
This is a tender and hilarious novel about a crew of migrant workers from three continents who are forced to flee their English strawberry field for a journey across England in pursuit of their various dreams of a better future. They hail variously from Eastern Europe, China, and Africa and have come here to harvest Strawberries for delivery to British supermarkets, and end up living in two small trailer homes, a men’s trailer and a woman’s trailer. They are all seeking a better life (and in their different ways they are also, of course, looking for love) and they’ve come to England, some legally, some illegally, to find it.

Supervising (some would say exploiting) them is Farmer Leaping, a red-faced Englishman who treats everyone equally except for the Polish woman named Yola, the boss of the crew, who favours him with her charms in exchange “for something a little extra on the side” Unfortunately Farmer Leaping’s wife finds out about this little “arrangement” and does what any woman would do in this situation: She runs him down in her red sports car.

By the time the police arrive the migrant workers have piled into one of the trailer homes and hightailed it, thus setting off one of the most enchanting, merry, and moving journeys across England. Along the way, the workers’ ideals are shattered by the ignominious, brutal, and sometimes dangerous realities of life, some give up and go back home, and some even find love

A Short history of tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka
Hilarious novel about two Ukrainian sisters, Nadezhda and Vera, who are raised in England by their refugee parents, and have as little to do with each other as possible, until a bosomy young synthetic blonde from the Ukraine named Valentina, enters their ageing father’s life, intent on seeing that he leaves this world with as little money as possible, unless Nadazhda and Vera can stop her.

Unfortunately separating their addled and annoyingly lecherous dad from his new love is no easy task because Valentina is a ruthless pro, who causes chaos & soon turns the family house upside down. Meanwhile their Father, who is oblivious to everything that is going on, carries on with the great work of his dotage, a grand history of the tractor.


25 lb baby!?

No Comments Written by whizzbang on February 25, 2010 in Fun & Games.

I thought that would get your attention

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning
from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies,

“That’s about average in Yorkshire… like I said, my boy’s atypical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.”

Congratulations showered him from all around, amidmany exclamations of “WOW!” One woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says,

“Say, aren’t you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody’s been making bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers,

“Twenty pounds.”

The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!”

The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Tetley’s, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender
and proudly says,”I Had him circumcised…”


Innocence is priceless

No Comments Written by whizzbang on February 25, 2010 in Fun & Games.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Andrew standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Andrew,’
‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on
The plaque. ‘Pastor, what is this? ‘
The pastor said, ‘Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.’

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Andrew’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

“Which service…the 8:30 or the 11:00?”


Church bulletins

No Comments Written by whizzbang on February 25, 2010 in Fun & Games.

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice .
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.