whizzbang.biz Blog

An Intrepid Adventurer recently crossed English Channel in a chair attached to helium-filled balloons. Soaring up to 4,000ft over the white cliffs of Dover, daredevil Jonathan Trappe flew across the English Channel under a cloud of helium balloons. The U.S. adventurer dangled underneath 54 giant versions of a children’s helium balloon for more than four hours to complete the perilous crossing, and fulfil a childhood dream.

The 36-year-old was strapped to a high-tech chair with radios, satellite navigation, oxygen masks and an emergency beacon, in case he crashed into the Channel. He eventually crash-landed his floating contraption into a cabbage field near Dunkirk, into the arms of several bemused French gendarmes.

French police said they were ’surprised’ by Mr Trappe’s unorthodox arrival, but he avoided arrest after producing his authorisation to land in France. Mr Trappe said: ‘The flight was outstanding, but it was a hell of a landing… I’m tremendously proud. It’s an outstanding thing to do. ‘Right over the white cliffs of Dover in complete silence. It was tremendously peaceful, tremendously beautiful… it was just an exceptionally quiet, peaceful experience.’

Mr Trappe is the first ‘cluster balloonist’ to successfully cross the Channel, a 22-mile journey from Dover to Calais He set off from the Kent Gliding Club in Challock, near Ashford, shortly after 5am and took about an hour to drift the 10 miles to the coast. He then spent almost two hours soaring over the Channel and floated over northern France before reaching Dunkirk.

The trained pilot reached a top height of 7,500ft and travelled at up to 25mph as he was carried by the wind. It carried him off his intended route, and he was forced to make a crash-landing to avoid flying into restricted airspace, a no-fly zone between Dunkirk and the border with Belgium.He descended by cutting away some of the eight-foot helium balloons which were tied to his chair.

‘I think it’s something that’s shared across cultures and across borders. Just this wonderful fantasy of grabbing onto toy balloons and floating into open space.’ Mr Trappe was greeted by his girlfriend Nadia Ramirez, 30, who waved him off in Kent and then caught a Eurostar train to race under the Channel, while her boyfriend floated over it.

Last month he claimed a new world record for the longest free-floating cluster balloon flight, when he travelled 109 miles across his home state of North Carolina in 14 hours. During another flight, he claims to have ascended to almost 18,000ft.
His feat was reminiscent of the animated film Up, in which pensioner Carl Fredricksen attached hundreds of coloured balloons to his house to fly to South America. Mr Trappe met with civil aviation authorities in Britain and France before making his cross-Channel attempt, and gained clearance from customs and immigration on both sides.

He said: ‘There are risks and we work methodically to reduce the risk so we can have a safe and fun flight.
‘Because really it’s only about dreams and enjoying an adventure and that’s only enjoyable when it’s safe.’

This is not the first such flight either. In 1982 Larry Walters attached 42 helium-filled weather balloons to a patio chair and took off. The American had no prior ballooning experience and only intended to rise a few hundred feet, but rose more than 15,000ft into the air, and floated into controlled airspace near Los Angeles International Airport. He used a pellet gun to burst several of his balloons, but accidentally dropped it overboard, and descended slowly until his contraption got caught in a power line, causing a 20-minute blackout in Long Beach. He was arrested when he landed.

However whilst attempting a similar feat In April 2008, a Roman Catholic priest Adelir Antonio de Carli wasn’t quite so lucky,

He flew using 1,000 balloons in Brazil, had an oxygen cylinder similar to one used by mountaineers and his balloon craft also featured water tanks for ballast.

Unfortunately though He did not check the weather forecast beforehand and got caught in a storm and was last heard on the radio approaching the water after flying off the coast, but was unable to give his position. His body was later found by the Brazilian navy near an offshore oil platform on July 4, 2008. He was awarded a 2008 Darwin Award for the stunt.

Recently I was queuing in the express lane at my local supermarket quietly fuming – A woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Completely ignoring the six-items or less sign.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, ‘So which six items would you like to buy?’
————————————————————-
Recently my elderly neighbour and his wife went to a busy restaurant for a meal, but because they had no reservations they were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
‘Young man, we’re both 90 years old, ‘ the husband said ..’We may not have 45 minutes.’

They were seated immediately.

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.
————————————————————-
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
————————————————————-
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, ‘When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?’

Artie said: ‘ I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.’

Eugene commented: ‘I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.’

Al said: ‘I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’
————————————————————–
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, ‘God, what does a million years mean to you?’
The Lord replies, ‘A minute.’
Smith asks, ‘And what does a million dollars mean to you?’
The Lord replies, ‘A penny.’
Smith asks, ‘Can I have a penny?’
The Lord replies, ‘In a minute.’
————————————————————–
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. ‘Give me one last request, dear,’
he said.
‘Of course, John,’ his wife said softly.
‘Six months after I die,’ he said, ‘I want you to marry Bob.’
‘But I thought you hated Bob,’ she said.
With his last breath John said, ‘I do!’

————————————–
A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’
————————————————————-
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

A chap goes to a nudist colony and decides to use his hat to protect his “modesty” a bit.

He was walking around when he saw a lady coming the other way

“If you were any kind of gentleman you would raise your hat” she said.

“If you weren’t so ugly it would raise itself” he replied.

The other night some married friends went for a girls night out

One of them promised her husband would be home by midnight, Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit drunk, She headed for home. and Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times..

She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning her husband asked her what time she got in,
So she told him’MIDNIGHT’… He didn’t seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock.’

When she asked him why, he said, ‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit.’ Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its, throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

A couple were going out for the evening.

They had got ready, all dolled up, but just needed to put the dog out when the taxi arrives.

However as the couple walked out of the house, the dog shoots back in the house.

They don’t want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver: ‘He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.’

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

‘Sorry I took so long’ he says. ‘Stupid b!tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!

She better not shit in the vegetable garden again either!’

The silence in the cab was deafening.

‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’
- Infantry Journal-
——————————————————————————–

‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.’
- US.Air Force Manual –
——————————————————————————–

‘Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.’
– General MacArthur –

——————————————————————————–

‘You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.’
– Infantry Sgt.-

——————————————————————————–

‘Tracers work both ways.’
– Army Ordnance Manual-

——————————————————————————–

‘Five second fuses last about three seconds.’
– Infantry Journal –

——————————————————————————–

The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you.
-Basic Flight Training Manual-

——————————————————————————–

‘Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.’
– Naval Ops Manual –

——————————————————————————–

‘Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.’
– Unknown Infantry Recruit-

——————————————————————————–

‘If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.’
– Infantry Journal-

——————————————————————————–

‘Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.’
– Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-

——————————————————————————–

‘You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.’
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-

——————————————————————————–

‘The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.’
-Unknown Author-

——————————————————————————–

‘If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’
- Fixed Wing Pilot-

——————————————————————————–

‘When one engine fails on a twin-engined plane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.’
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-

——————————————————————————–

‘Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.’
-Unknown Author-

——————————————————————————–

‘If you hear me yell;”Eject, Eject, Eject!”, the last two will be echos.’
If you stop to ask “Why?”, you’ll be talking to yourself, because by then you’ll be the pilot.’
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-

——————————————————————————–

‘What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, …. the pilot dies.’
-Sign over Control Tower Door-

——————————————————————————–

‘Never trade luck for skill.’
-Author Unknown-

——————————————————————————–

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are:’Did you feel that?’ ‘What’s that noise?’ and’Oh Shit!’
-Authors Unknown-

——————————————————————————–

‘Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.’
-Basic Flight Training Manual-

——————————————————————————–

‘Flying the aircraft is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.’
- Emergency Checklist-

——————————————————————————–

‘The Piper Cub is the safest plane in the world; it can just barely kill you.’
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) –

——————————————————————————–

‘There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.’
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-

——————————————————————————–

‘You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.’
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -

——————————————————————————–

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.

The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks,’What happened?’
The pilot’s reply: ‘I don’t know, I just got here myself!’

1. Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator – ‘This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.’

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator – ‘Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.’

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – ‘And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!’

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – ‘Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.’

5. US PGA Commentator – ‘One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??’

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team Live’ said: ‘You’d eat beaver if you could get it.’

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, ‘So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?’ Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: ‘Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.’

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on ‘Look North’ said: ‘There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. ‘

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on ‘Sky Sports’: ‘Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.’

11 Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked: ‘They seem cold out there. They’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.’

12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: ‘Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.’

Nurses are not supposed to laugh…
“Of course I won’t laugh,” said the nurse. “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”

“Okay then,” said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘man thingy’ the nurse had ever seen.. Length and width, it couldn’t have been bigger than the a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.

Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
“I am so sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen,” Fred replied.

She ran out of the room…….

IDIOT SIGHTING #1
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a Twenty pence piece.
She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’
I said,’Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.’ She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said ‘We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at MacD’s.

IDIOT SIGHTING #2
We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,
‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two..’

IDIOT SIGHTING #3
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

IDIOT SIGHTING #4
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimum lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

DIOT SIGHTING #6
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s unsafe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’
She is a Local County Councillor employee in Harrow , Middlesex , UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #7
When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up ou car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already did that side.’

Two Blondes With Hammers…

Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail ,
Pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ‘Why are you
Throwing those nails away?’
Lynn explained, ‘When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.’
Judy got completely upset and yelled, ‘You moron! Those nails aren’t
Defective! They’re for the other side of the house!’

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see ‘Closed for the Winter.’

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. ‘How did this happen?’ the emergency
Room doctor asked her.

‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.

‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?’

‘No, Silly’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, ‘I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants…

I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’

‘So then?’ asked the doctor.

‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’

‘So then?’

‘Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: ‘This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
Hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun… He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
Harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, ‘What are you doing?’ The first
Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, ‘Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.’

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
These are just too cute not to pass on!!!!

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.’

‘Wow, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it!’ So she
Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he asked?

‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,’ she replied..

Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’

The blond replied……’Two popsicles and some coffee.’

+++++++++++++

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, ‘What’s the matter?’

The blonde replies, ‘Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.’

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, ‘Why don’t you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.’

‘Thanks, but I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here.’

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically…

‘What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?’ he asks.

‘No!’ exclaims the blonde. ‘I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!’